By Ben Fama
Lady Gaga,
The world is on fire for you and for me. I’m already in love with you so that’s the way it’s gonna stay. I’ve dated several Stefani’s, one I fucked hundreds of times. What’s one more?
***
Lady G,
A friend sent me a present from Guyana. It’s a huge circular pin-on button of you. There is a small button on the back that you press and the nipples light up. The battery died though and now you have all the power again.
***
Gaga…
I believe you deserve to be happy and I think I really know you. I wanted to say I’m not mad you broke into my computer—which is illegal, I know you have problems, we all do—I just need my life back and for you to be happy because I do really think you are a beautiful person and you deserve it. Maybe it is best if we didn’t speak for awhile.
***
Lady Gaga!
I just had an idea and couldn’t wait to tell you. Do you want to dress up as Juggaloes with me this Halloween. I think I’ll be in New York—my parents said I can borrow their car. Get in touch with me soon and let me know. I think you still have my personal information from my computer.
***
LG,
I want to confess something I am a little ashamed of. I was trying this week not to think of you but I saw a photo of you in a panther print bikini in a pool so last night I got in my parents pool (I wanted to feel close to you) and I rubbed a pool noodle and came inside the hole on the end. Like I said, I am not proud, I just thought maybe you would think it was funny.
***
Stefani,
I’m saying your name so you will know I am serious. I think I need space from this whole situation. Please do not try to contact me, and please stay off my computer. I use that for work and the thought you could be watching me causes me to have anxiety attacks. I still love you but I think for us the best thing to do is the hardest thing to do.
Author Bio: Ben Fama is the author of the chapbook Aquarius Rising (Ugly Duckling Presse, 2010) and co-author of the chapbook Girl Boy Girl Boy (Correspondences, 2010). He is the founder of the Brooklyn-based Supermachine Reading Series and poetry journal. His work has appeared in GlitterPony, Pank! and No, Dear Magazine, among others.